Favourite Film Quotes

(in no particular order)

The L Word (2004)

Alice: So you like girly girls, huh?
Tasha: Yeah.
Alice: You like my dress?
Tasha: You fuckin' with me?
Alice: It's pretty, right? Pink, feminine.
Tasha: Yeah, it's cute.
Alice: Yeah, I thought you liked it.

Star Trek: Generations (1994)

Kirk: I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim?

Goldfinger (1964)

James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Auric Goldfinger: No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

Dr. No (1962)

Dr. No: SPECTRE. Special Executive for Counter Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, Extortion.

Battlestar Glactica (2004)

[All this has happened before, and all this will happen again.]
Tigh: Will he live?
Dr Cottle: I'm not a psychic: how the hell should I know ?
(multiple characters): They look like us now.
[As Ellen emerges into the ship bay with Boomer]
Hot Dog: [mutters] How many dead chicks are out there?
[(many people): Seabucks rule]
[Tigh pours a drink]
Tyrol ?: Looks like it's happy hour
Tigh: What is happy hour ?
Tigh: [blurts out] There's too much confusion here.
Tyrol: No Sam it's true: we're Cylons and have been since the start.
Gina Inviere: (a Six) [not yet discovered to be Cylon yet] After all we're all only human

Breaking Bad

[Chemist complains that Jesse does not know how to synthesize phenylacetic acid]
Jesse: [quietly, only to Gus] I get my phenylacetic acid from the barrel with the bee on it. That's what I know how to do it.
Chemist: [getting exasperated now] Who do you think you are?
Jesse: I'm the guy your boss brought here to show you how it's done.
Jesse: Dude, you scared the shit out of me. When you say it's contamination, I mean, I'm thinking like... an ebola leak or something.
Jesse: ...What if we just take some stuff off of the RV and build it into something completely different? You know, like a... like a dune buggy. That way, we can just dune buggy or...
Jesse: ...What are we building?
Walter: You said it yourself.
Jesse: A robot?
Jesse: Look, I like making cherry product, but let's keep it real, alright? We make poison for people who don't care. We probably have the most unpicky customers in the world.
Walter: I'm not *in* danger. I am the danger!
Walter: I am the one who knocks.
Walter: It's over. We're safe.
Skyler: Was this you? What happened?
Walter: I won.
Skyler: Someone has to protect this family from the man that protects this family.
Skyler: All I can do is wait . . .
Walter: Wait for what? What are you waiting for?
Skyler: For the cancer to come back.

The Good Wife (2009)

[Eli recommends a lawyer that would make a great deputy SA for Alicia]
Alicia: [deadpan] Thank you for your advice Eli, all options are open to me and I plan to decide within 48 hours.
Nancy Crozier: [to Alicia] That's a nice jacket... my mother has one just like it.
Cary: Alicia - you and I are the new Will and Diane!
Grace: I want to be pretty. Just let me be pretty.
Alicia: Oh honey, you are pretty.
Grace: You have to say that. I want other people to think I'm pretty.

Sweeney (1975 - 1978)

[his first line, series 1, episode 1]
Reagan: Get your trousers on, you're nicked.
Reagan: We're the Sweeney and we haven't had any lunch.

Airplane! (1980)

Roger Murdock: Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency, 123 point 9'er.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Captain Oveur: What?
Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9'er cleared for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Over.
Captain Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over!
Roger Murdock: What?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?

The Second Coming (2003)

Stephen Baxter: The son of God came to you before and gave you a testament, but you did nothing. ... Heaven is empty, while hell is bursting to the seams.

Contagion (2011)

Dr. Erin Mears: A plastic shark will keep people out of the water for years, but the warnings on cigarette boxes [she's interrupted]

The Inbetweeners (2008)

(many characters): [to Will] Briefcase wanker
[Will and Jay arguing about caravan holidays]
Jay: It's a sense of openness you don't get with other holidays.
Will: It's a sense of shitting in a bucket in a cupboard you don't get with other holidays....in England....with your parents !
Will: If my mum told me we were going caravanning, I'd call Childline !
(various): friends
Neil: [described reading] like TV, but so much slower

Mad Men (2007)

Draper: "She won't get married because she's never been in love." I think I wrote that. It was to sell nylons.
Rachel: For a lot of people, love isn't just a slogan.
Draper: Oh, "love". You mean the big lightning bolt to the heart, where you can't eat, can't work, so you run off and get married and make babies. The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call "love" was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.
Don Draper: I don't know. It's your life. You don't know how long its gonna be but you know its got a bad ending.
Marie Calvet [to Megan]: Not every little girl gets to do what they want. The world could not support that many ballerinas.

Downton Abbey (2010)

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: What is a 'weekend' ?
[walking into a room with the new, electric, lights on]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, dear, such a glare. I feel as if I were on stage at the Gaiety.
[on installing electric lights]
(multiple characters): But I dont see the point in putting electricity in the kitchen.

The Prisoner (1967)

[title sequence]
Number 6: I am not a number, I am a free man.

Friendship (2010)

[2 young East Germans entering US passport control]
Passport Officer: So you are Germans. Are you Nazis ?
1 of the 2 (which?): [proudly] No, no we are Communists.
[Snap to next shot of them being strip searched in a back room.]

Desperate Housewives (2004)

Sister Mary Bernard: Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Sure it can! That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.
[Tom and Lynette agree to cancel their anniversary meal out due to overwork]
Tom [pleading]: Hold it, what about my sex. I always get some on our anniversary ?
Lynette: We can still have sex, just try not to wake me.
Tom [just woken up by Lynette]: Are you as tired as I am ?
Lynette: More, but I am tougher and I complain less.

Bodies (2004)

Rob: ITU - they used to call it ICU until they realized nobody did.

Alien Nation (1988)

[Commenting on a "human" condom]
Det. Samuel 'George' Francisco: And that fits?
Det. Sgt. Matthew Sykes: Well... Yeah, it's rubber. It stretches.
Det. Samuel 'George' Francisco: And still it fits?

The Wire

Brother Mouzone: Is there an alley entrance ?
Omar: Boarded up on both sides so we're going to have to go in through the front.
Brother Mouzone: That's a change for you isn't it ?

Lost (2004):

[Jack and Sawyer are arguing about their poker game.]
Kate: Shall I go and get a ruler ?
Sayid: I fought in the Gulf War.
Hurley: No way! I got a buddy who fought over there. He was in the Hundred and Fifth Airborne. What were you, Air Force? Army?
Sayid: The Rupublican Guard.
Hurley: [referring to an underpowered radio transmitter] Yeah, but can't you switch a blue wire with a red wire - make it stronger ?

The Wild One (1953)

Mildred: What're you rebelling against, Johnny?
Johnny: Whaddya got?

The Quiet Earth (1985)

[In a church, aiming a shotgun at a Christ on a crucifix]
Zac Hobson: If you don't come out I'll shoot the kid!
[recording his audio log]
Zac Hobson: Zac Hobson, July 5th. One: there has been a malfunction in Project Flashlight with devastating results. Two: it seems I am the only person left on Earth.

War Games (1983)

Joshua: Shall we play a game?
David Lightman: Oh!
Jennifer: I think it missed him.
David Lightman: Yeah. Weird isn't it? Love to. How about Global Thermonuclear War.
Joshua: Wouldn't you perfer a nice game of chess?
David Lightman: Later. Right now lets play Global Thermonuclear War.
Joshua: Fine.
[after playing out all possible outcomes for Global Thermonuclear War]
Joshua: Greetings, Professor Falken.
Stephen Falken: Hello, Joshua.
Joshua: A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?
Mr. Lightman: This corn is raw!
Mrs. Lightman: I know, isn't it wonderful? It's so crisp!
Mr. Lightman: Of course it's crisp! It's raw!
Mrs. Lightman: No, it's terrific! You can just taste the Vitamin A and D!
Mr. Lightman: Could we have pills and cook the corn?

The League of Gentlemen

[oft repeated, to many people]
Edward Tattsyrup: Are you local?
x: no
Edward Tattsyrup: This is a local shop, for local people; there's nothing for you here

Dark Star (1974)

Bomb#20: In the beginning, there was darkness. And the darkness was without form, and void.
Boiler: What the hell is he talking about?
Bomb#20: And in addition to the darkness there was also me. And I moved upon the face of the darkness. And I saw that I was alone. Let there be light.

Thelma and Louise (1991)

Thelma: Louise, shoot the radio
[Louise shoots out the car stereo]
Thelma: no the police radio

American Beauty (1999)

Ricky Fitts: Anything new in the world, Dad?
Colonel Frank Fitts: [his first line in the film, whilst reading a newspaper] This country is going straight to hell!
Brad Dupree: Got a minute?
Lester Burnham: For you, Brad, I've got five!
[Jane refuses a car lift home, preferring to walk]
Angela Hayes: What !! Jane, thats like... almost a mile.
Lester Burnham: When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track.
Ricky Fitts: That sucks.
Lester Burnham: No, actually it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me.
Angela Hayes: Jane, he's a freak!
Jane Burnham: Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!
Ricky Fitts: I wanted to kill him. I would have, killed him, if they hadna pulled me off.

Casablanca (1942)

Ilsa Lund: But what about us?
Rick Blaine: We'll always have Paris.
[Raising his glass to Ilsa]
Rick Blaine: Here's looking at you, kid.
[Discussing their relationship earlier in Paris]
Rick Blaine: How long was it we had, honey?
Ilsa Lund: I didn't count the days.
Rick Blaine: Well, I did. Every one of them.
Ilsa Lund: Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.
Rick Blaine: Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
Ilsa Lund: Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By."
Captain Louis Renault: Major Strasser has been shot. Round up the usual suspects.
[Elderly German couple demonstrating their English (funnier if you know some German)]
Mr. Leuchtag: Liebchen-- sweetness-heart, what watch?
Mrs. Leuchtag: Ten watch.
Mr. Leuchtag: Such watch ?

Muriel's Wedding (1994)

Muriel Heslop: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to Abba songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.
[several times during the film]
Joanie Heslop: You're terrible, Muriel!
Murial: good luck in the games
[brief pause]
Vanarkal: you too

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?
Butch: It's Zed's.
Fabienne: Who's Zed?
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.
Butch: You know what my father went through to get me that watch? I don't have time to get into it, but he went through a lot.

What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)

Arnie: Match in the gas tank... boom boom! Boom boom!
Gilbert: Hey boss - are you sure the price on this is correct.
[boss comes over to check]
Mr. Lamson: I always thought we did a pretty good deal on pickles.
Gilbert's Boss: What's going on over there at "Food Land"?
[Gilbert sticking price tags on cans]
Gilbert: I wouldn't know, I don't shop there.
[Gilbert puts a can up and looks at boss]
Gilbert: [smiles] I'd rather die.

A Very Peculiar Practise (1986-1988)

[first line of Series 1]
Jock: [resignedly] aarrrhh
Lyn: So where do you get your cuddles from ?
Stephen: No-one - my wife does not even hit me anymore. And she is working on becoming my ex-wife.
Lyn: You don't get any of that performance rubbish with woman.
Stephen: You don't get any of that performance rubbish with me.
Stephen: Actually you don't get any performance.
Lyn: See, I knew I shouldn't have told you. You're scared of brainy women aren't you ?
Stephen: No... no, really - I'm just... scared of women.
Lyn: What sort of behaviour do you associate with love 'ay ? Functional impotence for a start.
Stephen: Getting plates thrown at me, bad sleep patterns, gasteric disorders, nausia, vertigo, banging ones head on the bathroom wall. Letters from the solicitor.
Stephen: So I do see what you mean then.
Jock: We love you. That's why we're here.
[describing his medical career]
Stephan: Birmingham, Birmingham, Birmingham, Walsall
John Fury: Cauliflower Cheese !!! I need meat, I'm not a damned sociologist.
[University chancellor showing a group of potential Japanese investors around the campus]
Hemingway: A science park is a dense concentration of high technology research and development labs.
Japanese Translator: Oh, I see. In Japan we call that "industrial estate" or "row of factories".
Chen, and road signs on campus: Altered priorities ahead
[last line of Series 1]
Rust: Thanks Doc.
Stephan: Don't thank me - I'm just doing my job.

Zoolander (2001)

Mugatu: Hansel, he's so hot right now!

Armageddon (1998)

[NASA shuttle pilot on seeing the hero-roughnecks]
Colonel William Sharp: Talk about the wrong stuff.
Dan: Are they physically able to survive the trip?
Dr. Banks: Personally, I don't see how they survived the tests.
[sitting in the space shuttle cockpit on the launch pad]
Rockhound: You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
[the space shuttle engines failed to start]
Lev Andropov (Russian): Excuse me, but I think I know how to fix this.
Watts (American): Move it! You don't know the components!
Lev Andropov: [annoyed] Components. American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!!!
[Harry is fingering a photo on the wall]
Lev Andropov: Don't touch my uncle! He is the genius of my family. He used to make the tip of the bomb, you know? That finds New York or Washington?
Harry Stamper: And this is the best that you - that the government, the U.S. government could come up with? I mean, you're NASA for crying out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You're the guys that're thinking shit up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?
Truman: [sadly] Yeah.

Roseanne (1988-1997)

Dan: Are you ever sorry we got married.
Roseanne: Every second of my life.
[after a loud, chaotic breakfast with lots of noise and shouting the kids have finally left for school]
Roseanne: Quick, they're gone. Change the locks.
D.J.: I thought it was good to be a man.
Dan: Oh no, not since the 1960s.
Becky: [referring to Dan] When did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him?
Roseanne: Oh well, I ain't decided that yet.
Dan: There's a 200 point game pulsating through these hands.
Rosanne: Let's not waste it on bowling.
[Becky and Darlene talking about kissing]
Becky: Then you open your mouth a little bit.
Darlene: [grossed out] You open your mouth!?! For what?!
[Roseanne now walks in on them]
Roseanne: So you can slip him the tongue.
[After walking in on the girls talking about kissing and Becky introducing Darlene to what french kissing is, and talking to the girls about kissing and boys... as Roseanne kisses Becky goodnight]
Roseanne: Keep your mouth closed.
Jackie: Uhh no, you know me, Mom, all my boyfriends like to spend Thanksgiving with their wives.
Dan: What would happen if we both went at the same time, like in a plane crash?
Roseanne: We never go anywhere Dan. A plane would actually have to crash into the sofa.
Jackie: You know, when I have a baby, I want to deliver it into a pool of warm water...
Roseanne: I imagine it keeps the swimmers out of the shallow end.
Jackie: he says he can't stop thinking about my lovely ears
Roseanne: That's not really what you want to hear from a man who has seen you naked.
[(check exact quote (early S6, before e9))]
Darlene: You sound very faint.
David: I'm calling from a phone booth: the guy who lives here let me borrow it.
[(check exact quote (early S6, before e9))]

The Golden Girls (1985-1992)

Dorothy: How about some whipped cream.
Blanche: I think we still have a can, I'll get it, it's in my bedroom. (Rose has described how she can talk to mice)
Dorothy: Rose, do you have any idea how wierd you are ?
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood.
Sophie: Forgive me Rose , but I haven't had sex in 15 years and its starting to get on my nerves.
Dorothy: Hey Blanche, aren't you forgetting something ?
Blanche: Oh no, I never wear underwear.
Blanche: What do you think of my new dress? Is it me?
Sophia: It's too tight, it's too short and shows too much cleavage for a woman your age.
Dorothy: Yes, Blanche. It's you.
Theme: "Thank You For Being A Friend" by Andrew Gold
Thank you for being a friend
Travelled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.
And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

The Joy of Painting (1983-1995)

Bob: Now you have to make a decision.
[banging the paint blush on the legs of the easel]
Bob: Just shake the brush again.

The Tomorrow People (1973-1979)

Stephen: The tomorrow people, who are they ?
Carol: We are the next development.
Stephen: What development ?
Carol: The next development of the human race; homo superior.
Carol: Perhaps every child is a tomorrow person.
John: Quick Kenny, link.
Carol: Tomorrow People are never alone; you can talk to us anytime.

The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy (1981)

(prologue): 2,000 years ago one man got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone was nice to each other for a change.
[Ford finally convinces bartender the world is about to end]
Barman: Oh. Well, last orders, please.
[about the Vogon Constructor ships]
The Book: They hung in the air exactly the same way that bricks don't.
[Arthur Dent looks up "Earth" in the Hitchhiker's Guide]
Arthur Dent: What's it say? "Harmless." Just one word? *Harmless?*
The Book: ...whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a really neat idea.
Vogon guard: Resistance is useless.
Marvin: [repeated line] Life. Don't talk to me about life.
Marvin: Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they tell me to take you up to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? Cause I don't.
Eddie: Hi there. This is Eddie, your shipboard computer, and I'm feeling just great, guys.
Marvin: Life. Loathe it or ignore it. You can't like it.
Slartibartfast: Science has achieved some wonderful things, I know, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
Frankie Mouse: Still, the best laid plans of mice.
Arthur Dent: Ford, there's an infinite number of monkeys out here who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out.
Marvin: "Reverse primary thrust, Marvin." That's what they say to me. "Open airlock number 3, Marvin." "Marvin, can you pick up that piece of paper?" Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper.
[Zaphod is in the restaurant, Marvin is in the garage]
Zaphod Beeblebrox: I'll be down in a minute.
Marvin: Me too.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: There's a whole new life stretching out in front of you.
Marvin: Oh, not another one.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: It's the weird color-scheme that freaks me. Every time you try to operate one of these weird black controls, which are labeled in black on a black background, a small black light lights up black to let you know you've done it.
The Book: The very worst poetry, along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex perished in the destruciton of the Earth. Vogon poetry is mild in comparison.

Brideshead Revisited (1981)

[referring to the Catholic priest not being allowed to give the last rites to the atheist Lord Marchmain]
Charles Ryder: Mumbo jumbo is off.

Erin Brockovich (2000)

[Ed gets up inappropriately early to leave a clients' home]
Erin: Ed, have a fucking cup of coffee.

Star Trek (1966)

Bones: But Jim, millions of people will die.
Scotty: I canne give you more power sir.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Bones: You mean this machine wants to physically join with a human? Is that possible?
Spock: It's life, Captain, but not life as we know it.

2010 (1984)

Dave Bowman: My God! It's full of stars! David Bowman (through HAL): All these worlds are yours, except Europa. Attempt no landings there.

I, Robot (2004)

Sonny: They all look like me. But none of them are me.
[Jumps on car and tries to steer it out of control]
NS5 Robot: You are experiencing a car accident.
Sonny: Thank you... you said someone not something.
[Trying to protect Spooner from a group of rampaging NS5s]
NS4 Robots: Human in danger. Human in danger.
Detective Del Spooner: I thought you were dead.
Sonny: Technically I was never alive, but I appreciate your concern.

The Stepford Wives (1975)

[still in the city]
Kim Eberhart: Daddy, I just saw a man carrying a naked lady.
Walter Eberhart: Well, that's why we're moving to Stepford.
Joanna Eberhart: When you come back, there will be a woman with my name and my face, she'll cook and clean like crazy, but she won't take pictures and SHE WON'T BE ME!

Grange Hill 1978

Flippin' 'eck Tucker.

About a Boy (2002)

Marcus: Can I have coco puffs ?
Fiona: No, it's not Sunday.
[Fiona gets a packet of "Ancient Grains" from the cupboard.]
Fiona: When you sing it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.
Marcus: Suddenly I realized - two people isn't enough. You need backup. If you're only two people, and someone drops off the edge, then you're on your own. Two isn't a large enough number. You need three at least.
Will: Oh my god - what the hell is that ?
Marcus: My Mum's home made bread.
Will: C> change of tone Looks.. pretty good.
Marcus: No it isn't - it's healthy.

The Untouchables (1987)

Eliot Ness: Hey, wait a minute! What the hell kind of police work do they teach in this city, huh? You just turned your back on an armed man.
Jim Malone: You're a treasury officer.
Eliot Ness: How do you know that? I just told you that.
Jim Malone: Who would claim to be that who was not? Hmm?

Blakes 7 (1978)

Vila Restal: This is stupid, Avon!
Kerr Avon: When did that ever stop us?
Kerr Avon: No good deed goes unpunished.
Vila Restal: Don't leave me here! At least leave me a torch. I don't like the dark. I like to see what I'm scared of.
Vila Restal: I hate personal violence, especially when I'm the person.
Vila Restal: I plan to live forever - or die trying.
Vila Restal: I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes.
Kerr Avon: Have you considered amputation?
Dayna Mellanby: Do we fight?
Kerr Avon: Certainly not. We run.

Tremors (1990)

Earl Bassett: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?
Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails!
[Looking at the monster he and his wife just killed]
Burt Gummer: Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec. room, didn't ya!
Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.

Gladiator (2000)

[to his father]
Commodus: You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues. Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance. As I read the list I knew I had none of them.
[the dying Caeser offers the Empire to Maximus]
Marcus Aurelius: Won't you accept this great honor that I have offered you?
Maximus: With all my heart, no.
Marcus Aurelius: Maximus, that is why it must be you.
Commodus: My history's a little hazy Cassius, but shouldn't the Barbarians LOSE the battle of Carthage?!

Absolutely Fabulous (1992)

Patsy: [to Saffie] You may dress like a Christian, but the similarity ends there.
[repeated line]
Patsy: It's fabulous darling.
[we hear one side of a phone conversion]
Eddie: Pats ?
Eddie: Well is she there,... who are you ?
Eddie: Well what does she look like ?
Eddie: Well turn her over and ask her name ?
Eddie: Oh Pats, it is you.

Educating Rita (1983)

[first words to Rita as she opens the door of her flat]
Trish: Wouldn't you just die without Mahler?

Sense and Sensibility (1995)

Fanny: People always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them.
Fanny: I am the soul of discretion.
Elinor Dashwood: Did he tell you he loved you?
Marianne Dashwood: Yes... no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.
Marianne Dashwood: Always resignation and acceptance. Always prudence and honour and duty. Elinor, where is your heart?"
Mrs. Dashwood: [feeling Marianne's ankle after she sprains it, Marianne being enraptured with Willoughby] Tell me if I hurt you.
Elinor: She feels no pain, mama.

Dr Who

Dalek: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
Dalek: Resistance Is Futile
The Doctor: You all sound... English! You've developed a fault!
Journey: [upon exiting the TARDIS] It’s smaller on the outside!

Contact (1997)

Rachel Constantine: The fact that it recorded static isn't what interests me. What interests me is that it recorded approximately 18 hours of it.
S.R. Hadden: First rule in government spending: why build one when you can have two at twice the price?

Galaxy Quest (1999)

Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: Never give up! Never surrender!

Aliens (1986)

Hudson (male): Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man? Vasquez (female): No, have you?

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

[after Ripley destroys all the failed clones with a flame thrower]
Johner: What a waste of ammo. Must be a chick thing.

A Few Good Men (1992)

Galloway: Tell your friend not to get cute down there, the Marines at Gitmo are fanatical.
Lt. Weinberg: Fanatical about what?
Galloway: About being Marines.
Sam Weinberg: What's the [Marine] code?
Lance Corporal Harold W. Dawson: Unit, Corps, God, country.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

Tom: There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
[Separating after a meeting]
Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys!
Lenny: I hate these fucking southern fairies!

The Big Lebowski (1998)

[at least twice in the film]
Walter Sobchak: Fuck it Dude, let's go bowling.
[on a cab ride]
The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
[after reporting the stolen car]
The Dude: Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
Older Cop: Or the Creedence.
The Dude: Does the Pope shit in the woods ?

The Day of the Jackal (1973)

Lawyer: For God's sake, man, don't you understand you are going to be shot!
Bastien-Thiry: You don't understand. No French soldier will raise his weapon against me.
[He is shot by a firing squad the next day]
The Jackal: C> Quoting his price for the assassination Half a million.
Col. Rodlland: Half a million new francs?
The Jackal: Dollars.
Col. Rodlland: You are crazy?
The Jackal: Considering you expect to get France itself, I'd say it was a very reasonable price.
[discussing the leak in the French Cabinet]
Minister: How did you know whose telephone to tap?
Lebel: I didn't, so I tapped them all.

Firefox (1982)

Dr. Baronovich: You can't think in English and transpose it. You must think in Russian.

Star Wars (1977)

Obi-Wan: That's no moon. It's a space station.
Luke: I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you.
Darth Vader: The Force is strong with this one.
Obi-Wan: Use the Force, Luke.
Obi-Wan: I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

East Is East (1999)

[In the hospital following Sajid's circumcision.]
George Khan: Tickle-Tackle all gone ?
[Discussing what his dad bought for him following Sajid's circumcision.]
Ella Khan: He bought him a new dressing gown and a watch.
Auntie Annie: Not much of a swap, but it's better than nowt I suppose !
Ella Khan: Do you think I'm a good mother?
Auntie Annie: No, I think you're a friggin' awful mother!

Highlander (1986)

Connor MacLeod: There can be only one!

The Matrix (1999)

Agent Smith: We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
Neo: Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the finger...
[He does. ]
Neo: ...and you give me my phone call.
Trinity: My name's Trinity.
Neo: The Trinity? Who cracked the IRS d-base? ...
Trinity: What?
Neo: I just thought... you were a guy.
Trinity: [sardonically] Most guys do.
Spoon boy: Instead... only try to realise the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Tank: The door on your left.
[Neo turns right]
Tank: No - your other left.
Agent Smith: Never send a human to do a machine's job.
Tank: So what do you need? Besides a miracle.
Neo: Guns. Lots of guns.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

[Start of sequel: an agent blocks Neos' punch, and is quicker than Neo expected]
Neo: Hmm, upgrades.

My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)

[On being told that Omar is not at the laundrette.]
Salim: Is it worth waiting ?
Johnny: [With a large grin on his face] In my experience it's always worth waiting for Omo
Nasser: I'm a professional businessman, not a professional Pakistani.

Independence Day (1996)

President Thomas Whitmore: Sir, regardless of what you may have read in the tabloids, there have never been any spacecraft recovered by our government. Take my word for it. There's no Area 51. There's no recovered space ship.
[pause] Albert Nimzicki (ex-head of CIA): Uh, excuse me, Mr. President. That's not entirely accurate.
President Thomas Whitmore: I don't understand, where does all this come from? How do you get funding for something like this?
Julius Levinson: You don't actually think they spend $20,000.00 on a hammer, $30,000.00 on a toilet seat do you?

Ice Storm, The (1997)

[Father stopping by his son's room, momentarily putting down his luggage]
Jim Carver: Hey guys, I'm back!
Mikey Carver: You were gone?
[Ben is describing, at length, his last game of golf]
Janey Carver: Ben, you're boring me. I have a husband. I don't have a need for another one.

Men in Black (1997)

Bug: Put your projectile weapon on the ground.
Edgar: You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Bug: Your proposition is acceptable.
[Zaps Edgar]
Zed: What's so funny, Edwards?
James Edwards: Boy Captain America over here. "Best of the best of the best, sir!" "With honours!" Yeah, he's just really excited and he has no clue why we're here.
Kay: There are approximately 1500 aliens in Manhattan.
Jay: Cab drivers?
Kay: Not as many as you think.
Jay: You do know Elvis is dead, right?
Kay: No, Elvis isn't dead. He just went home.

A Taste of Honey (1961)

Jimmy: I dreamt about you last night - fell out of bed twice!
[also quoted by The Smiths in Reel around the fountain]
Geoffrey: The dream is gone.
Jo: But the baby's real.
[also quoted by The Smiths in This night has opened my eyes]

The Terminator (1984)

Kyle Reese: Come with me if you want to live! [After The Terminator selects a stack of semi-automatics, laser-sighted pistols, shotguns etc]
Gun Shop owner: Any one of these would be ideal for home defence.
Kyle Reese: Listen! And understand! That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with! It can't be reasoned with! It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!
The Terminator: I'll be back!
Lieutenant Traxler: How do I look?
Detective Vukovich: Like shit, boss.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

[The Terminator hoists a huge gun and smiles. ]
John Connor: It's definitely you.
John Connor: Jesus, you were gonna kill that guy.
The Terminator: Of course, I'm a terminator.
John Connor: We've got company.
Miles Dyson: Police?
Sarah Connor: How many?
John Connor: Uh, all of them, I think.
John Connor: Riding round in helicopters, learning how to blow shit up. Then when my mum got busted I got put in a regular school. All the other kids where all into [disparagingly] Nintendos.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

SWAT Team Leader: Put down your weapon! C> pause And the coffin!
Terminator: Your levity is good, it relieves tension and the fear of death.
Terminator: My database does not encompass the dynamics of human pair bonding.
Motorist: Well, I'll be god-damned - a cop when ya need one !!
The Terminator: She'll be back!
Terminator: C> after nearly strangling John Anger is more useful than despair. Basic psychology is part of my subroutines.
Male Stripper: [to the Terminator] Talk to the hand!
[later in an unconnected scene]
Terminator: Talk to the hand!

Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994)

Tom: Oh, I don't know, Charlie. Unlike you, I never expected "the thunderbolt." I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents.
[pauses to think]
Tom: Well, apart from the divorce and all that.
Fiona: The truth is I have met the right person - only, he's not in love with me - and until I stop loving him, no one else stands a chance.
Fiona: From now on I'm going to be all the colours of the rainbow and fall in love with someone who fancies me.
Charles: How about you, Fifi - you identified a future partner for life yet?
Fiona: No need really. The deed is done. I've been in love with the same bloke for ages.
Charles: Have you? Who's that?
Fiona: [very casually] You, Charlie.
Mrs. Beaumont: Are you married?
Fiona: No.
Mrs. Beaumont: Are you a lesbian?
Fiona: Good lord! What makes you ask that?
Mrs. Beaumont: Well, it is one of the possibilites for unmarried girls nowadays, and it's rather more interesting than saying, "Oh dear, never met the right chap," eh?
Fiona: Quite right. Why be dull?
Mrs. Beaumont: Thank you.
[after running into his cousin, Deidre]
Tom: Golly... bloody Thunderbolt City!

24 (2001-)

Jack: This office demands results, and that is what I provide: results.
Peter Kingsley: [his last line] Jack Bauer. You've caused me a lot of trouble today Jack.
[after jack talks his way out of being killed by him]
Ramon Salazar: The man has more lives than a cat.
[often / loaded question]
Jack: Is there a problem ?
Chloe: I do not have a boyfriend.
Chloe: It is sad that I have to do this knowing that you and Kim stabbed me in the back.
Kim: Wait, who is the father ?
Chloe: Chase.
[After holding a gun to the Navy aviators head to force him to land]
Jack: You can file a report with your comanding officer.
Jane: What are you going to do to my father.
Jack: Stop him. (searching her medicine cabinet)
Fox?: (PI) well, looks like Mrs Palmer believes in better living through chemistry.
Powell: Who are you police, FBI ?
Tony Almeda: Well, actually, I'm unemployed.
Tony: Some people are more comfortable in hell.
Audrey: Are you talking about Jack,... or yourself ?
[various other people, repeated line: We should...]
Jack: That's a mistake...
Chloe: [to Audrey] I can't imagine how I would be feeling right now if I were you ... no I meant, you know, you and your husband are separated, and you've fallen in love with Jack, I guess, and then they end up together and your husband ends up taking a bullet that saves Jacks life..., what do you do with that ? ... I was inappropriately blunt wasn't I .....I do that a lot...sorry..
Edgar: Chloe is acting kinda strange.
Sarah: That is nothing new.
?: The terrorists have announced that they will use the internet and we can not control that (CHECK)
Jack: That's the problem with people like you, George. You want results, but you never want to get your hands dirty.
Palmer: For all intents and purposes, Jack Bauer is dead.
Tony: See Nina; my collegues in the next room tell me that something in those medical records.. concerns you:... I am guessing it is not the knee.
Kim: I want to stay with you. I would raise a child with you Chase. I just won't raise one for you.
[Chloe? phoning ?]
Chloe?: hi
Chloe?: he knows - hangs up
Michelle: I just want this day to end.
[Alvers waits 8s, not 10 for 3rd switch (?context)]
[as Jack strangles an FBI officer as a horrified teenage boy looks on]
Chloe: Don't worry... he's really good at this.
Chloe: OK, when the alert level goes down, and the terrorists have been caught, we can have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets.
Chloe: I was unfairly harsh to you a few minutes ago, I didn't mean anything.
Spencer Wolf: All right. Apology accepted.
Chloe: It wasn't really an apology, it was more of an observation.
[after sex]
Chloe: I would appreciate it if you didn't tell everybody at work about this: I do not want everyone thinking I am some kind of slut.
Spencer: Believe me - no one's ever going to think that.
Tony: [to Ryan] Well, it's like this: either fire me, or get out of my chair.

A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Dr. Rosen: Imagine if you suddenly learnt that the people, the places, the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse, had never been. What kind of hell would that be?
Nash: [to Alicia] You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons.
Nash: Alicia, does our relationship warrant long-term commitment? I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data.
Alicia: I'm sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my girlish notions of romance.
Alicia: It's called "life", John. Activities available; just add meaning.
Nash: I find you very attractive. Your assertiveness tells me that you feel the same way about me. But ritual remains that we must do a series of platonic actions before we can have intercourse. But all I really want to do is have sex with you as soon as possible.

Mars Attacks! (1996)

Richie Norris: Wow, he just made the international sign of the doughnut.

Gilda (1946)

Ballin Mundson: Gilda, are you decent?
Gilda: Me?
[long pause]
Gilda: Sure. I'm decent.

Goodfellas (1990)

[first line of the film]
Henry Hill: [narrating] As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.

The Wild Bunch (1969)

[first line of the film, as the gang hold up a bank]
Pike Bishop: If they move, kill 'em!

Perfect Murder, A (1998)

Steven: [to Emily, having just hired someone to kill her] What if there is no tomorrow ?
[then, later in film - after the attempted murder]
Steven: When you wake up tomorrow, all this will seem like a bad dream.
Emily: What if there is no tomorrow ?

The Hunt for Red October (1990)

Captain Ramius: We will pass through the American patrols, past their sonar nets, and lay off their largest city, and listen to their [disparagingly] rock and roll... while we conduct missile drills.
Captain Ramius: It reminds me of the heady days of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again - at the sound of our silence. The order is: engage the silent drive.

Jude (1996)

Sue Bridehead: Please don't call me a clever girl, Mr. Phillotson, there are too many of us about these days.
[Sue has just spurned Jude again]
Sue Bridehead: Promise me you'll never stop trying.
[Suicide note on door] Because we are too many.

The Perfect Storm (2000)

Captain Billy Tyne: The guys are busy, you're in charge...Ya know what? You're a goddamn swordboat captain...Is there anything better in the world?
Helicopter Pilot(?): Gloucester, they're always from Gloucester

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

Pamela Landy: What if I can't find her?
Jason Bourne: It's easy. She's standing right next to you.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988)

Tomas: What are you reading ?
Tereza: Anna Karenina [pause] by Tolstoy.
Tomas: Oh yes, that Anna Karenina.

This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Nigel is playing a soft piece on the piano]
Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty.
Nigel Tufnel: Yeah, I've been fooling around with it for a few months.
Marty DiBergi: It's a bit of a departure from what you normally play.
Nigel Tufnel: It's part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy I'm working on in D minor which is the saddest of all keys, I find. People weep instantly when they hear it, and I don't know why.
Marty DiBergi: It's very nice.
Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really....
Marty DiBergi: What do you call this?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
[Nigel showing Marty his custom amp]
Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? ... ...
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
[pause as Nigel thinks]
Nigel Tufnel: These go to eleven.

The Shipping News (2001)

[educating the rookie reporter]
Billy: It's finding the centre of your story, the beating heart of it, that's what makes a reporter. You have to start by making up some headlines. You know: short, punchy, dramatic headlines. Now, have a look, what do you see?
[Points at dark clouds at the horizon]
Billy: Tell me the headline.
Quoyle: Horizon Fills With Dark Clouds?
Billy: Imminent Storm Threatens Village.
Quoyle: But what if no storm comes?
Billy: Village Spared From Deadly Storm.

Backbeat (1993)

(CHECK quote)
[Astrid and Stuart are alone, discussing his new mop-top haircut]
Stuart Sutcliffe: I know what John will say.
[immediate cut to John's face, filling the screen]
John Lennon: C> very loudly Fuckin' hell.

Die Hard (1988)

[After being kissed by a (male) stranger]
John McClane (NY cop): Geeze: California !! (check quote)
[on the phone]
Agent Johnson: Hello this is agent Johnson.
[He sighs]
Agent Johnson: No the other one.
[flying low and fast in the FBI chopper around the city]
Big Johnson: Just like fuckin' Saigon ain't it, Slick?
Little Johnson: I was in junior high, dickhead.
[after the FBI chopper crashes dramatically off the roof]
Dwayne T. Robinson: They're gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.
[end of the film]
Argyle: Man, if this is their idea of Christmas, I gotta be here for New Year's.

Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)

[McClane and Zeus are driving fast through Central Park]
Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?
John McClane: No.
John McClane: Well, maybe that mime.
Zeus: Now, where are you goin'?
Raymond: To school.
Zeus: Why?
Dexter: To get educated.
Zeus: Why?
Raymond: So we can go to college.
Zeus: And why is that important?
Raymond: To get a-spected.
Zeus: RE-spect. Now who are the bad guys?
Raymond: Guys who sell drugs.
Dexter: Guys who have guns.
Zeus: And who are the good guys?
Raymond: We're the good guys.
Zeus: So who's gonna help us?
Dexter: Nobody.
Zeus: So who's gonna help us?
Raymond: We're gonna help ourselves.
Zeus: And who do we not want to help us?
Dexter & Raymond: White people.
[on the phone]
John McClane: I got a deal for you. Come out from that rock you're hiding under and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
[on the phone]
Simon: How colourful.
[Officer Jane is tending to McClane's wounds]
Inspector Cobb: How is that?
Officer Jane: Nothing wrong with him a shower wouldn't cure. Beer is normally taken internally, John.

Star Trek: Enterprise

[Porthos has run from the shuttlepod to some trees on an alien world]
Commander Tucker: Going where no dog has gone before.
Commander Tucker: How many warning shots do Vulcans usually fire?
Vulcan Ambassador Soval: None.
[about phase pistols]
Lt. Reed: They have two settings: stun and kill... It'd be best not to confuse them.
[after using a "phase pistol" for the first time]
Captain Archer: Well, I guess stun works.

Red Dwarf

Kryton: we'll always have Parrots

Keeping Mum (2005)

Gloria Goodfellow: You can't just go 'round killing people just because you don't approve of them!
Grace Hawkins: You know, that's what my doctors used to say. It was the one point we could never agree on.
Holly Goodfellow: Who the hell is this guy? I'll kill him!
Grace Hawkins: Oh, that won't be necessary dear.

Queer as Folk

[Brian has just turned 30]
Michael: You'll always be young. You'll always be beautiful. You're Brian Kinney, for fuck's sake!

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Marines: This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine...
[after Joker's mercy killing of the sniper]
Donlon: Hard core man..., fucking hard core.


[Ruth and Toby are getting competative on their medical knowledge]
Adam: OK, who is the most important person in my resus ?
[Ruth and Toby look briefly at each other]
Ruth and Toby (in unison): You !!
Adam: No: it's the patient guys.
[Ruth and Toby discussing a case]
Toby: Not to mention how I told the jogger we are going to have to stop his heart.
Ruth: Why, what's it got to do with him ?
Toby: Well, it's his heart.

The Six Million Dollar Man (TV-Series 1974-1978)

Oscar Goldman: Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.

Other People's Money (1991)

[Lawrence gets out a bag of doughnuts]
(other character): After the breakfast you just had you are still hungry ?
Lawrence: Since when do you have to be hungry to have a doughnut? It don't taste better that way.

Monty Python

catchphrase: And now for something completely different
[bring out your dead, not quite dead...]
[we are all individuals... (Life of Brian)]


?: there is just family, and then there is everyone else (check)

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